1 Feb 2015

My Brighton Fringe Diary #7 Procrastination #MyBrightonFringe2015 #MadeinCumbriashow #BrightonFringe

'Procrastination' - is the practice of carrying out less urgent tasks in preference to more urgent ones, or doing more pleasurable things in place of less pleasurable ones, and thus putting off impending tasks to a later time, sometimes to the "last minute" before the deadline.

I had to Google, 'Procrastination' this week to check I was spelling it correctly as I have been doing it so much. I hate procrastinating. Yet lately I have become so good at it. So very good at it. (Just not so good at spelling it)

I have a timetable of everything I need to do or work on for my fringe show and lately I have been getting distracted. Distracted on purpose. For example, last week I joined Tinder. Now I am going on dates and have been chatting with boys. Then I realise that I have shit to do. I have a Brighton Fringe Show to put together. I don't have time for boys. Not in the plural sense anyway.

Yesterday (Saturday) I decided to have a few hours writing. When I went to the kitchen to get a cup of tea I realised the washing up needed doing. I spent 20 minutes washing up and cleaning the sideboards. Then I saw that the mugs had got a bit stained and so I scrubbed out five mugs to clean perfection. Then the kitchen sink looked a bit discoloured so I bleached it clean. I also then updated twitter and facebook with the fact I was working on my writing. I then decided I needed to go into town to buy clipboards for my characters and ended up with more stationary. When I got home I took a photo of what I had bought and of course posted it on my facebook page to prove to the world I was working. Honest. 

I think the guilt of my procrastination comes from the fact I used to suffer such intense anxiety and stress when working on projects. This intense level of stress used to be my measure for how well i was doing. The higher the anxiety the more I was successfully working on a project. Now of course I have a lot of calm, minimal anxiety and feel quite good nearly all the time. This is making me more relaxed when it comes to my work. 

Speaking of feeling good, I will just take this sentence to boast about the fact I have woke up 'naturally' three times this week. By, 'naturally' I mean fully awake not 'naturally' as in no clothes on. It's far too cold for that. At the moment.

I have explored the guilt I have towards myself and it also comes down to the core belief that I am not doing enough. I think I should be doing more and all the time. I realise this old way of working is just not sustainable. So, I am also taking comfort in Anne Lamott's book, Bird by Bird and doing my work, 'bit by bit'. If I work on something for 5 minutes or 5 hours, it is still work. I am chipping away at it piece by piece. I need to keep my belief that I will get there in the end. 

Read my blog post about, 'Bird by Bird' and other creative help books by clicking here.

Now I am of course patting myself on the back for actually getting a blog post done. I have two other subjects that I want to write about, but procrastination got in the way. So what better way to deal with procrastination is there? You get off Tinder and you write a blog about your procrastination. Boom! Every cloud does have a silver lining! 

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