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Exciting news readers, I am registered now to do my Brighton Fringe show for 2015. So that means I am actually doing a fringe show. I am doing the fringe show that has been in my head for a couple of years. It's currently in several notebooks, digitally stored on my Google drive and in audio form. But, it's there alright!
If you have read my blog before you will know that in Brighton Fringe 2014 I was in some short comedy plays and I was doing my stand up. I loved being part of Brighton Fringe 2014. When I assessed what I was doing I realised I want to be somewhere in the middle of stand up and acting. That middle area is to write and perform my own comedy characters. When I am honest with myself this is what I have always wanted to do. There is even evidence from that time I was a child and wrote in notebooks. I wanted to do comedy. It says in felt tip, so it must be true. Do comedy or run away with the circus to become a trapeze artist. A girl from my tiny village in the Lake District actually did that. I know, really cool.
To prepare for my Fringe Show, I have also been attending some workshops to hone my skills. I spend over three hours in a room with Anna Morris and seven other creative types a few months ago discussing and working on comedy characters. I feel so at home when I am thinking, writing or performing comedy. It just feels right.
On the way to that workshop I remembered I needed deodorant. (Note to reader: This is where I go off the subject and write about deodorant for no apparant reason other than I just need to write about it). At St. Pancreas International I picked up a discounted bottle of Fenjal. I asked my friend Becki , who was also attending the workshop, if it definitely was a deodorant and not used for lady parts or anything else obscure. Becki didn't really know and I bought it anyway. The smell was soothing. Becki bought a lipbalm with, 'Keep calm and Kiss' on it. We let the wild times roll. Here is photographic proof.
I would like to add I have since realised that Fenjal products are often linked to Nanna's. I actually think my Nanna used to wear this deodorant and that may be why I found it soothing that particular day. The world moves in such mysterious ways. I haven't seen it in any other branch of Boots.... yet. My Nanna who is still alive said a few days ago that she doesn't use it and also asked if it was for lady parts. On the Fenjal website it is 100% certain it's not for lady parts. Anyone else under 35 years old wear Fenjal? Let me know in the comments or tweet me. @_JPostlethwaite
What has any of that got to do with writing a Brighton Fringe show? I don't know. Just thought you might like to know. I put Fenjal in the title of this blog so it wouldn't be so obscure. Plus, I smell strongly of delicious Fenjal at the time of writing this blog. Ok, 65% certain I smell delicious right now.
So why am I doing a show for the Brighton Fringe? Well, life hasn't been so easy for me the last 6/7 months. In fact it's been dam right awful. I have a article coming out in The W Review which explains more. Let's just say I was diagnosed by the top Doctors money can buy with 'Broken Heart' syndrome. Actually it's more like a disease. Broken Heart Disease. It sucks and it's really effing painful. I just made that up by the way. I didn't need to be diagnosed by the top Doctors money can buy to know I have a broken heart. I didn't even pay for top Doctors. The NHS helped me.
I've had to pick myself/my life up from the gutter and only now am I getting back on my comedy horse. I have also had two deaths of people that I cared about. It has all made me step back and take a good look at my life. Even though this is all mega personal, I am going to talk about it as you will hopefully see where my new attitude to life and my drive is coming from. Plus, I am an honest person. I have realised life can change in a split second. You can be on top of the world and then BOOM! you are in the pits of hell. It can work vice versa of course. Life is just too short to not do what you know feels right. Queue self help pictures...3...2...1....ready?....action.....
They say that big life events happen to teach you things, make you stronger and wiser. I have received lots of 'slogan photos' sent to me on a daily basis from friends (see above). These used to do my head in! I hated them with a passion. How dare they tell me how to live? Smug bastard messages! Then after a while, I started to really like them. Now, I secretly love them.
Ones sent to me were, 'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger', 'Train your mind to see the good in every situation' and 'Do you want me to kill him for you?' Such good friends.
With the help of some wise words, I took a long look at what I want in life then found myself filling out the Brighton Fringe registration when it opened and applying to the Laughing Horse Free Fringe. Within a few weeks, Laughing Horse accepted my show proposal and gave me the venue and time slots I wanted. Thank you Laughing Horse. I have also had a friend who does graphic design come forward to help me out with my ideas for my show flyers and posters. When things happen easily I think that's when I know it's the right thing to be doing.
In looking at my life I have also picked up on my slightly neglected spiritual path. (Alot neglected) Don't get scared. I am not what I would call religious at all. I like to believe in the Universe and asking the universe for what you need from it for it to be attracted to you. I realised that maybe I hadn't been putting myself first the past year and going after my dreams as fully as I wanted to. I hadn't been asking for what I wanted or communicating that. This is going to change. This has already changed.
Since the shit hit the fan in my life, I have been attending regular weekly mindfulness yoga classes with an amazing teacher, I've been regularly attending shiatsu massage and reading copious amounts of self help books to help me try say sane, grounded and cope with the pain of loss.
I have meditated on and off in the past six years and followed the work of spiritual practitioners such as Pema Chodron and Tara Brach. I have in the last couple of months been following Gabrielle Berstein described as, “A new role-model.” by NY Times. I kept being lead back to her work so I have been researching her and giving her techniques a shot. I am currently listening to her audiobook, Miracles Now. I have also wrote an article for The W Review about this. Read article here. So for 40 days to begin with I am focusing on positive affirmations, meditating, and using some techniques for keeping calm and centred. Gabby is a Spirit Junkie and encourages you to be one too. #Spiritjunkie on social media. If you want to read more about Gabby click here.
I want my creativity to benefit from what I am subtly changing about myself and my mind. Once again, please don't be scared if any of this sounds really wanky and hippy. I know it's not everyone's cup of tea. However, I will try anything if it is for a positive reason. Why feel like crap if I don't need to?!
One of the things I sometimes struggle with is when I am ready to be creative my mind plays tricks on me. I get a sense of fulfilment and then later I still get the negative voice telling me I can't do the things I really want. When I wake up in the morning my mind tries to worry me and make me anxious. It says I am not good enough or I can't do it. Why is it that when we go for the things we want we get that voice saying we don't deserve it? Or, it tricks us. My new tools and techniques from my self help books are helping me cope with any negative thoughts or beliefs. This picture below sums it up for me, especially when I am working on something creative. It went around Facebook a while ago so you may have seen it already.
A few of my friends have asked me to blog about my process for writing and preparing for the Fringe show so that is what I am going to do. I hope you will enjoy reading about my journey. I will let you know what tools are working for me on a creative level and of course, a mental health level!
At the moment, I am doing a little bit of writing, idea brain storming, planning or research along with positive affirmations every day to keep pushing forward towards the end goal.
One of the affirmations I am going to be using from Gabrielle Berstein is,
"In 2015, I am going to judge my success on the amount of fun I am having"
I want to make my writing fun, have fun making and performing in the show. This will mean my audience will have fun watching the show.
In the next blog I will tell you more about my show. I am going to be using the hashtag #mybrightonfringe2015 on twitter if you want to follow the conversation and contribute. Follow me at @_JPostlethwaite
Feel free to comment below or tweet me.
Thanks for reading, Happy New Year and see you soon.